Why I chose Solitude instead of Disneyland this New Year...

Yes, I'm aware I may sound incredibly boring from this blog title BUT, I am so grateful that I listened to my intuition on this one! I learnt a huge lesson this New Year and I know there will be some of you out there who can relate and find this story valuable too.

California, USA - a few days before New Year...

I was supposed to be headed to Disneyland for New Year. It was planned since the start of my trip. I had arrived in the USA a few months prior to this point with the desire to rekindle some inspiration, self-confidence and motivation to begin my long-awaited business. I came here having just quit my job. I had just begun taking medication for my mental illness, my confidence was at rock bottom, and I felt so lost and (honestly) a waste of space. As sad as that sounds, and as scary as entering a whole new country, way of life, and space was - I am so glad I did it! But, at this point in December, I was still feeling tense, insecure and stressed. Why was I not making progress? Why did I still not feel good enough or ready after so many years of dreaming about this business idea? I am a people-pleaser - I put the needs of others before my own in pretty much every scenario. I struggled to say no to things I didn't want to do, and I used every moment I could to avoid putting positive action in place towards my goals. I didn't really think I could achieve starting my own business - "I haven't started it so far, so why would I be more able now?!". The anxious voice of self-loathing continued to gnaw away at me.

However, as Disneyland crept up on me, I started to feel my intuition kick in. It was always hard to listen to it because when you have anxiety, that voice is so loud and debilitating that intuition gets buried. Something deep down was telling me "Stay behind. You need this time". I wasn't excited to go. I yearned for ease, space and to stop thinking of others for a change!

It took a lot of courage for me to speak up for myself and tell the others that I would be staying behind for a New Year in solitude. I didn't really know what it would look like or bring, but I knew that my spirit and soul was really exhausted and needed to recover. After all, it is extremely tiring for anyone to adapt so quickly to living in a very different environment, let alone someone who months prior was not wanting to go on trying! I was met with kindness and understanding, and I stayed behind (with the bonus of a little doggy friend as my beach buddy!).

What I needed and deeply desired was reflection. It was going to be a New Year and, as cliche as it sounds, this was a perfect opportunity for me to have a fresh start. It was also good for me to look back at the previous year with gratitude and grace for myself. I spent most of the year feeling like such a failure. I didn't achieve what I wanted, and my mental health really hit rock bottom. I knew moving forward would be harder without acceptance of what was past. Reducing the judgement on myself was necessary. Giving myself permission to flourish, simply because I deserved it, was the main realisation for me.

And honestly, I am a good way into this new year and I have not broken that promise to myself to be more kind to myself! This kindness isn't just the things I say to myself. It's the actions I do daily towards my goals, my habits and routines, my boundaries with others, and more. I have really used my mantra word as an anchor when I had moments of lapse. I STARTED MY OWN BUSINESS!!! I made a website, I found side-work that suited me much better, I manifested things that I wanted for myself when I did my vision board the previous year, my relationship with myself is healthy and loving, and so are my relationships with my loved ones. I am both grateful and proud of myself - what a way to honour myself and my needs!

I want to share below some things that I did to begin this fresh start that worked for me. (Disclaimer - this can be done at ANY point in the year whenever you need it):

• Communicating with others that you want some alone time and be strict about protecting this space (maybe reducing or coming off social media, or being in a space you find safe and comforting to reflect).

• Look back over each month of the previous year and make a note of what happened and what you achieved. Journal about what you are proud of and what you did great at.

• Choose a word or mantra for the next year, or upcoming time. Make it something you need more of or want to use to support you when you struggle (I chose EASE as my word. Anytime I feel exhausted or challenged, I return to this anchor and believe me, it is a great accountability partner).

• Create a vision board to get super clear on what it is you want your life to look like in this next chapter. I use Canva to create mine, and find it super fun to design it and add my own colours and images. You can draw one yourself or cut out items from magazines - whatever you find most inspiring! I use categories such as: career, personal development and relationships (stay tuned to find out more about Vision Boards on my blog!).

• Get out in nature! Going to the beach with my dog friend daily was so healing. I just allowed the sounds, smells and sights to wash over me and be present. I allowed any trapped emotion to release out with the ocean. I tapped into my inner-child, walking bare-foot across the sand.